As Monday nights are notoriously quiet, I planned use the early part of the day to go around my local shops and have a bit of banter with the shopkeepers to see what intel I could pull in to pass the time.

Well 2 minutes after I booked on, a call came in for a burglary ongoing, as the eerie silence came over the air of no units responding, I decided that I would head down that way and see if I could give further info until a unit became available.
When I got down there, the local drunk had locked himself out and was half inside of his window, with his legs dangling out.
Just as I got close to the house he went crashing in, pulled his blinds down and gave me the thumbs up - good stuff.

I then contiued my patrol until a call came in for a underage drinkers in the local park.
I arrived to be met by the usual comments, and obnoxious behaviour which is ever present in todays youth.
They even had the cheek to say that the coke bottle they had, only contained coca cola.

The following may not be verbatim but to the best of my knowledge it is how the conversation went.

PCSO: Pour your drink out for me

GIRL: What for?, its only coca cola!

PCSO: I tell you what, I have an alcohol testing kit in my pocket which will detect any traces of alcohol in that bottle. They cost the force £50.00 each and as a result it has taken me two years to be issued with one.
If it turns out that you have lied to me and the I have wasted my one and only kit on you, I am going to call a PC down and report you for being drunk and disorderly (any PC'S reading this, don't worry I wasn't really going to waste your time).

At this point the girl poured her drink out without saying another word.

law - 1, local youths - 0

My next job was a purse thief who had ran in my direction.
At a bus stop I spotted a male matching his description sat with another male.
As I approached I heard them talking to each other, word along the lines of 'he's not even a proper copper....he can't even search us'

Yet again to the best of my memory,

PCSO: Yes thats right I can't search you, what else can I or can't I do?

YOUTH: I don't know but I know you can't search me

PCSO: Whats in your pockets?

The youth then turns his pockets out to reveal that he has nothing in his pockets

PCSO: Pat yourself down

PCSO to second youth: See I can't search him, I just hope he is daft enough to do it himself

A patrol then pulled up and searched the youths but unfortunately it wasn't them.
Still, score one for having an IQ of more than 10

The rest of my patrol was spent making sure that I covered every street on my patch at least once, and tying my shoe lace on the walls of the people who complain that they never see the Police.

Before I sign off, I was also able to direct patrols to a fight which was occuring in a back lane in the middle of town.
The incident was created on the wrong location, but due to local knowledge I was able to advise control of the error.
In total today I have had 4 cops thank me for my work, 7 members of the public and 2 youth who claim I am too canny to be a copper.
Its a shame that these people don't write into the papers, as I am sure that every PCSO receives praise, but good news doesn't sell trashy newspapers.

LOCAL PCSO